A Story to Tell: Why I Created The #LiveCreative Project
Hello, I am Jason Holland. And, I have a story to tell that has shaped me to be the man I am today. It’s also one of the reasons I created The #LiveCreative Project. At the age of seven years old, I was sexually molested. The perpetrator was a boy not much older than myself, maybe about thirteen years old at the time. He was the son of an ex-boyfriend of my mom.
In the beginning, it began with touching and grabbing me inappropriately in the back seat of the car when he thought our parents weren’t looking. Over time, it progressed to a lot more, the details of which I obviously do not need to divulge here.
From what I remember about it, was that it felt strange. I knew what was happening was wrong, I felt terrible, and it was very confusing.
Now, as an adult and an openly gay man, I often look back to that experience and wonder if it was part of the reason I am gay. Older and wiser now, I can tell you with an assurance that the experience is NOT the reason I am a gay.
What I can also tell you for sure, is that when I look back on those times and remember that experience, what I do remember was a small boy who had lost his joy, his spark, his smile, and his happiness. From that experience I lost my “childhood innocence.”
I can look back now at photos from when I was that age and see my smile had faded away. And, from what I can remember before that, I had been, for the most part, a happy child.
Feminine Energy vs. A Male Dominated Culture
We live in a culture that tells us, especially men, that being vulnerable, and sharing such things is not only inappropriate but “weak.” The culture I come from told me: men are supposed to be strong, silent, and bury our feelings deep inside. I’m here to tell you, I think that’s a bunch of BS!
I’ve never been very good at subscribing to the stereotypical philosophy of “how a man is supposed to be.” And, frankly, I believe it is an outright lie – an illusion meant to keep us human beings suppressed and our authentic joy and happiness, just out of arm’s reach.
And while I didn’t have much in the way of great male role models growing up, what I did have were strong women — my mother and my grandmother — who raised me the best way they knew how. They did the best they could with the resources they had. And though I’ve never really told her: I believe my mom is one of the most courageous people I’ve ever met. And, I think she did a pretty good job: I’ve turned out to be a good man! If I don’t say so myself, thank you very much.
My mother and my grandmother taught me, among other things, that in spite of adversity how to be kind, compassionate, caring, and sensitive to others – whether it was intentional or not. It could also just be the nature of feminine energy, which I was surrounded by it most of my childhood.
Stereotypically, an uneducated fool might label me a “momma’s boy,” or a “sissy.” But, I am here to tell you, regardless of being an openly gay man, I am anything but a weak “momma’s boy.” Furthermore, that didn’t make me gay either.
My environment may have had some influence, but I am quite confident that being a man physically and sexually attracted to men, is just part of who I am. All of the above, by the way, I am quite proud of. I am proud of the man who I have become and who I will continue growing to be.
Why Now, Do I Have This Story To Tell? The #LiveCreative Project
Through my personal spiritual awakening over the last few years, I’ve come to learn that if this project is going to be successful, I have to be willing and able to be completely vulnerable, transparent, and openly honest. After all, if I am going to “educate and inspires others from my creativity within,” I have to practice what I preach. Right?
I have learned through my life experience that vulnerability is not weakness, it is courageous. To be completely honest with myself and to succeed in my life purpose, my soul purpose, means I need to:
- acknowledge my past and embrace it;
- forgive those who have wronged me;
- more importantly, forgive myself;
- and then, finally, let it go.
The #LiveCreative Project, especially over the last twelve months, has been about just that: taking the culmination of my life experience and the expertise of my career and figuring out how to combine them into something that I can teach and share to help others awaken and expand their own creativity within.
The #LiveCreative Project Philosophy
I have a philosophy and the other day, a friend summarized it quite well. He said this, “Jason represent the human ascension of spiritual awakening, and through that being more creative, and using the right tools and technology we have available to us now to empower our communication.”
As a man who was sexually molested as a child, I’ve spent most of my adult life in “fight or flight” mode, moving from place to place, and running from my past. And, I have burned many bridges along the way. Now, at forty-two years old, it has taken most of my adult life to learn how to accept, embrace, forgive, and let go of the pain from my childhood.
Since my spiritual awakening, when I lived in Palm Springs, California, to present day here in Playa del Carmen, México, I am learning to forgive, heal, and let go of that past. Not just forgiving those who have wronged me in the past, but also learning to forgive myself.
I’m very self-critical, to a fault. The hard work of healing has only just begun. But, I know now: who I am, who I’ve become, and who I am striving to become. Because, the experiences in my life have brought me to this place today. And, for that, I have no regrets and I am grateful!
It takes courage to face the past and the fears we have about ourselves – letting go of those old, outdated, and unnecessary limiting beliefs we’ve held onto about ourselves. Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, I am here to tell you, based on my own life experience, that each of us can heal.
It’s okay to be courageous, true to our most authentic self, and strive for our highest purpose. I will always encourage others to speak up and share their truth. We all deserve the chance to realize our full potential as the creative beings we are to mean to be – helping raise the love, compassion, awareness, and vibration of others in the process.
We all deserve joy, fulfillment, and abundance. And though we are all more alike than we are different, I believe each of us is a unique creator with our own voice, gifts, and purpose.
So, speak up and share your truth. Really, you will be okay! It may be difficult and painful at first, but it seems to me that when you do give voice to your own dark secrets and bring them to the light, you can begin to decrease their negative power over you. And then, let them go! We all deserve to embrace the joy, happiness, and bliss that is our birthright as the beautiful, creative, human beings we are.
Feel free share your thoughts in the comments below. But, please, be respectful. If you do not have something positive to say, adding value you to the conversation and helping empower others, please keep any negative or thoughtless opinions to yourself. Have the courage to share your truth, it’s more cathartic than you might think. Namaste, Jason
Pro Web Designer, The #LiveCreativePro
Awaken Your Creativity Within
Jason Holland educates and inspires entrepreneurs who want to #LiveCreative and work anywhere. He does this by helping them awaken their creativity within. Jason provides pro website design, brand strategy, and digital marketing services to entrepreneurs and small businesses – guiding them the creative process of building a WordPress-powered website that is the foundation for a sustainable online presence – no code required.
Once their site is live, Jason Holland provides ongoing design support by guiding them through the essential tools to achieve their objectives and help them realize the full potential of their online business.